Thursday - April 19, 2018
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Archive for the ‘ Columns ’ Category

Categories of Columns
 

Taking A Chainsaw To Chain E-Mails And Strange Friend Requests

April 12th, 2018

Sierra, I’m sorry. Call me several times burned and now shy, but I must reject your offer of friendship. Unfortunately, the same goes for you, Pat and Carole, and you, Ashlee, and, sadly, Stephanie and Katrina as well. And Gaston, don’t even go there. Now, I understand, you’ve tried contacting me via facebook friend requests, message requests and e-mail a number of times. I see your messages, with their pert subject lines — “hello!” “Someone wants to meet you” and who can forget “Want to come play tonight?” I admit, you are nothing if... Read More

‘A Quiet Place’ Is Terrifically Frightening

April 6th, 2018

A Quiet Place stars John Krasinski and Emily Blunt as husband and wife and parents of three kids in a post-apocalyptic Midwestern America. We meet the family 89 days into this seeming apocalypse as they are gathering supplies in the dusty remains of a pharmacy. One of the kids is sick but the bigger issue is the youngest son who has set his eyes upon a battery powered toy rocket. Why is the toy rocket a big deal? In this apocalypse, sound is your greatest enemy. The slightest hint of noise can bring the arrival of nasty, assumedly alien, beasts that strike quickly and kill mercilessly. When the... Read More

I Really Question The WonderPets’ Work Ethic

March 29th, 2018

Recently, I discovered a show that features some of the biggest dawdlers, layabouts and goldbrickers I’ve ever seen in the history of TV. A show geared toward kids. A show that may be poisoning the work ethic of this country’s youth and undermining our competitiveness in the world economy. That show? “Wonder Pets.” I recently became a father, and as such, I’ve started to acquaint myself with kids’ programming. Little did I know I’d find this hotbed of slackerdom. Now, for those of you who haven’t seen the show, let me describe it to you quickly: It... Read More

Make ‘Room’ For Wonderfully Awful ‘Best F(r)iends’

March 28th, 2018

“If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college” – Lewis Black This brilliant non-sequitur line from comedian Lewis Black ran through my head more than once during the duration of “Best F(r)iends,” the new collaboration from “The Room” co-stars Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero. Where Mr. Black’s non-sequitur was the result of a brilliantly orchestrated anecdote, one which contained a beginning, middle and an end, “Best F(r)iends” plays like one, unending, logic free gag that lasts nearly two hours. Written by Sestero, “Best F(r)iends” stars Tommy... Read More

Reynolds Is Phenomenal In ‘Last Movie Star’

March 28th, 2018

The Last Movie Star turns a bold and daring eye on an aging Burt Reynolds and never looks away. Writer-Director Adam Rifkin has crafted a tribute to the movie star Burt Reynolds and a deconstruction of the actor and person Burt Reynolds. It’s a strange and fascinating piece that is equal parts funny, emotional and sit-comic. Reynolds is rather incredible throughout even as the direction lets him down here and there. Vic Edwards (Reynolds) was once the biggest movie star in the world. That was a long time ago. Today, Vic is a lonely has been in a large house whose dog just died. No, lie the opening... Read More

‘Pacific Rim Uprising’ Could Use A Little Humor

March 27th, 2018

Pacific Rim is from that part of Oscar winning director Guillermo Del Toro that we’ve all agreed to ignore, alongside the Hellboy movies and Mimic. It’s not that Pacific Rim is bad; rather that it is a tad undignified compared to the awards caliber work he gave us before moving to Hollywood and now his Oscar winning triumph, The Shape of Water. It will always be better to remember the visionary work of Pan’s Labyrinth and ignoring the time he played with his toys on a multi-multi-multi-million dollar budget. Pacific Rim Uprising is, no surprise, not directed by Del Toro as he was distracted... Read More

Something To Consider Before The Next ‘Walking Dead’: Can Zombies Swim?

March 22nd, 2018

Whenever I watch a zombie movie, I always imagine different ways that I could escape zombies if I ever found myself in that situation. I’m sure you can all relate. Now, to be clear, I’m talking about your standard issue, usual zombies that you see in TV and movies, the kind that move very slowly, shambling along, whose bodies are in a constant state of disrepair, and who seem very easily outrun, although of course their advantage is that, like the turtle vs. your hare, they don’t get tired and, slow or not, they just keep moving. Plus, you have to sleep and they don’t, so you’d better... Read More